Out with the Old, In with the New! - By: Jane Kifer

Happy NEW YEAR! It's not the Chinese New Year yet, so you have time to get more "stuff" in order! I just threw away 25 years of photos and journals. I had journals I wanted to save my whole life for my kids to read about my life and my inspiration and my travels as a teenager modeling through out Europe. I thought how excited they'd be to know my life! And just recently, I started to realize, All the "STUFF" I carried around the world and saved for them, for me, didn't matter anymore. The pictures didn't have the same meaning or hope or value they once had, because I grew. It wasn't the best time of my life anymore. It was one of many best times of my life and I see things differently and what is attached to it and the reality of it and how that experience revealed itself, actually felt empty in comparison to who I am today. I was carrying things around as proof of a life I loved, but honestly I am proof of a life I love. As I opened the bin to go through every photo and decide if I kept it or moved it on it's journey to paper recycling, I discovered something so intriguing. The favorite journals I so valued in my life and my experience which have always been a source of joy for me to comb through, didn't matter anymore in the same way. And they were water damaged and molded shut. The ink all ran together, the pages stuck shut. It was not a coincidence. It was confirmation that it didn't have purpose anymore. I have the best imprints of the time in my being. I didn't need to hold on to the wonderful groups of people who loved me, the only proof of love I held on to to know I was going to be ok, it was to overcompensate for the love I so seeked from my disappearing Mother and my father. I have love and growth and family now. I have fulfillment in my soul and journey. I don't need the paper tracking the past that kept me alive. I definitely kept many photos, probably over 100, But I tossed 3 garbage bags full of the past into the trash bin and it feels right.