What's bad Feng Shui?

My 8 year old daughter knows I am taking the Feng Shui master program and I am always surprised when she asks" Is this good Feng Shui?, Is this bad Feng Shui? Mom can you Feng Shui my room?" Last night in the middle of the night, she was sick. She had a stomach ache and hurled all over the floor. She missed the bed intentionally and as I grabbed the spray and paper towels and cleaned it all up she watched with empathy at my task. I assured her it was fine. It felt like breastfeeding days of up every 20 minutes, getting accidentally bashed in the head by her head as I wen to kiss her in the dark, to now cleaning up throw up. Off the floor,the carpet, in the drawer. It honestly was fine I committed to her comfort and the task. After all was cleaned wiped and washed I grabbed a little sage and lit it and swooshed it around her room. I said, " This will take the edge off of any throw up smell, though I don't smell any."She said " Is it bad Feng Shui to smell it?" It was a perfect question. I said "well um, I mean it probably will just make you feel better to not smell it so yes I guess it would be better feng shui". SO CUTE! Later a customer emailed and asked if I could make a keychain not out of leather as she was vegan, but if I couldn't she offered, "Oh it's ok, I will just try and ignore it." I told her, " No! you will constantly be imprinted that it doesn't resonate with highest ideals! you'll be carrying something that goes against your core values and nothing in that can work for the best of you." I would call that bad Feng Shui. How many times do we choose "this", and say "its good enough" or "I'll deal" or "it'll be fine?" Don't. It'll seep into your core self and not resonate with your highest vibration, just say "that's not going to work for me" And feel confident with it!

I am Everything : I am Nothing

Oh the same old Buddha mentality. So cliche. Blah blah! Well I have recently realized I have spent a life time focusing on my worth. Telling myself, I am something, I am great (because I didn't actually believe it, I had to say it over and over and hear it from others). And if I am not great or I don't feel worthy, I focus on the parts that are. Tell the story in a positive way. Find worth in your feats and accomplishments. I have done that, done well at that. I have been on the cover of magazines because my face fits some idea of what people say is pretty. I have lounged regularly on Greek Yachts in the Aegean, I have my art featured on TV shows and in 5th ave flagship stores. I had a 4.23 GPA and got a full scholarship and grants to NYU. I actually never considered these things are great. I was happy and excited about all of it, but It was just my life. But others do. They tell me. Then why do I still feel not enough? I have two amazing children. I am a good person with many gifts. When people ask me what I do, I never feel confident in my answer. I have learned to have confidence in communicating my answer, but I honestly don't feel it. Recently in my "jobless" state, (which is completely vulnerable and challenging to even type here ) I have had to sit with nothing, with everything, holding the emptiness I feel. Who am I if I am not working hard? Not controlling things? The emptiness is almost unbearable. It makes me want to move, to throw everything away, my relationship (never my kids) , my commitment to my partner. I want to fill it, but nothing fills the emptiness. So I am left to sit. And be. And Feel. UGH! So I walk. I breath, I read, I listen to the birds and see the plants, I call friends ( I also apply for jobs- but clearly I have another lesson to learn). I do amazing energy work on clients that I get paid for . I love it. But I am left to reflect a couple of statements that ring strong and true for me right now. "I am enough." Period. I am enough. Just me. I was reading Debbie Ford's book, the secret of Shadow and there was something that I was trying to understand just outside of my consciousness about it, and I read these words, "I must embrace both the vastness of my Divinity and the insignificance of my humanity. I must embrace that I am everything and I am nothing." And then it clicked. I was pushing aside the idea of being nothing and trying desperately to project a reflection that I am somebody- whatever that means, that it was as if I was running from myself in fear. What is wrong with being nothing - I don't mean in the self deprecating way. I was thinking of a rabbit hopping and running around field by himself, like I see on my walks. He doesn't worry if he is enough. I am big and tall and capable and was shamed for making money in modeling as a teenager by my mother so I stayed small. I stayed in her comfort zone. That was a reaction. I have been fighting to be famed and prominent in contrast as well. But there was this huge relieving feeling to just say, I can be small and insignificant in a beautiful present way. There is so much less pressure. Just be me. Who I am, I am enough. This has been one of the hardest lessons to learn. All last week I wanted to throw up with the feelings. Literally I wanted to throw up, I couldn't stomach the idea of being empty. I tried to write this post last week but I was angry and uncomfortable and everything I wrote sounded like I was yelling at you! The reader. I don't want that. So I went for a long walk. The other statement a friend said to me is " Everything is changing all the time." This too was helpful, it allowed space for me to breath through the hard hard bits, the parts where I felt there would never be any relief. If that can change, so can I. All the time. Every day. I am a life force of cells and atoms constantly changing. evolving. growing. dying. being born. regenerating. Thank GOD!

I want more

I want a better job, I want more success, I am left sitting here waiting for things to happen, I need goodness, I need luck, I need movement. Well you know what, I need to put my money where my mouth is! I know what to do! Do Good Deeds! It creates a positive forward motion vibration that opens stuff up! Just do it. Babysit for your friend's kids ( I did today 2 months old!). Let someone in in traffic, Hold a door, offer help with someone's bags. Do do do it all the time every day over and over. At first when I needed to do this I thought and laughed at myself "There's no-one to help, there's nothing to offer blah blah excuses excuses". I also said "JANE get off your ass and figure it out!" Since I started this, I get new clients every day, I am getting excellent feedback and furthered steps in jobs I am applying for. Keep going. One foot in front of the other. It's my work right now! Not easy but feels like a karmic fulfillment as well.