Opening Spaces - by: Jane Kifer

When my car overheated on the 405 coming from the eye doctor who understands special prisms and vision in the Valley, en route to picking up my daughter in time and then my son, and then to go teach my advanced student painting class to then rush off and make my son's Japanese play, I would pray my car would make it. In bumper to bumper traffic, as I sat there sort of freaked out, I looked at my quarter full sippy cup of water the kids had left in the car and laughed at how much water my radiator needed and how much I did not have. A lovely "guy" stopped to try and help, but not only did he have no idea what to do and I was afraid he would loose his arm (like my ex father in law did in Spain) as he tried to take off the cap and stopped as I warned him against it. He handed me his tiny water bottle for support. Finally this car full of workers drove by at a snails pace in barely moving traffic and shouted out, "Turn on the heat full blast! It'll suck the hot air out of the engine." So I did! And it worked. There was no tow truck coming in that traffic anyway and I would never have made my schedule. In that 100 degree day, I was thankful for the tip, as I saw the temperature gauge rapidly drop to cool. I got back in the lane and drove in that 115 degree day in traffic with heat heat blaring back to the west side with bits of stuffing flying all around the car in wisps like snow, that my daughter had ripped out of my sewing kit from one of my classes. Tears were falling on my cheeks at the absurd beautiful crazy picture I was living, feeling so thankful that my car was working. I stopped and got lunch, because I also needed fuel! I accomplished everything that day thankfully, but at what price! I left for school drop off and pick up every day wondering if my car would start, and would drive. It consumed me for months. I had put $3000 in my 13 year old car in 3 months and it still needed work! I realized I would be serving the safety and my life and my family better if I made a change! I did the Math and I did something NO good Mennonite infused girl would do and I leased a car! Yes I did it. I love it! I pay $200/month, never have to fix anything and or live in fear. My insurance went up $18 but I save in using one less tank of gas per month. Before I got the new car, I had the huge realization that this broken car was taking up so much space in my life, in my day in my mind in my energy in my worry , my feelings. I had no bandwidth for healthy production of anything because I was too busy needing to deal with all this broken shit to make it through the day and it was EXHAUSTING! As hitting a wall when you open the door reflects in your subconscious, so does dealing with the stress of broken cars, bad relationships, manipulative dynamics with old friends or partners. Fix it, deal with it, move out of the stuff that consumes us and Make an opening to fill with glorious things, you will open up and free so much space for other stuff that those broken parts are taking up. Its like having an iphone full of bad apps. DELETE, prioritize, break old patterns and make changes that work for you. Good relationships, working cars, nourishing endeavors.